don't you love it when things just fall into place? i do. when the world becomes clear, kind of like at the end of a rainy day when everything gets calm. it is an overwhelming feeling of relief, this clarity, and you should never go looking for it because you won't find it. it will find you. i feel like i just woke up, like i'm walking or floating on a cloud and never coming down. when you have a moment, or a weekend of perfection, you never want it to end. sometimes when the ending comes, your world crashes, but sometimes it doesn't. in my case, i'm still stuck in the moment, clinging onto it, because i know it will happen again soon. sometimes when you think everything is lost, you just have to hold on a little longer, and a little tighter to discover it was all worth it in the end.
i always say its not about the destination, its the journey baby.
some of the songs in my heart...
"other side of the world" by K T Tunstall
"song beneath the song" by Maria Taylor
good albums:
awake is the new sleep
if songs could be held
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
love lost.
why is it so difficult to let go of the people we love, even if they are hurting us? i think its different for everyone, but in my case, i would say fear. there is one person who i know that brings me such security and comfort. when i talk to him, i feel like i can tell him anything and everything. interestingly, rather than bringing stability into my life, i think the relationship causes me to be more unstable. there is mistrust, insecurity or lack of confidence, and jealousy. so whats a girl to do when her best friend and deepest attraction makes he feel like crap, brings out her faults, makes her sensitive to the world when she is known to be the exact opposite. i crave the challenge, the ability to freely express my feelings, but at the same time i know i am hurting myself in the process. do i take the risk and let it all go? is this the beginning of the end, or maybe its a turning point for a new beginning that is good. when do you know if its worth it to let someone go? i fear losing this person and never getting him back. i'm scared of people being gone. stay tuned and find out...
Thursday, January 17, 2008
what's on your bucket list?
If you had the chance to know, right now, the exact date of your last day on earth, would you choose to know? my entire life, i have always answered yes to that question. without a sliver of doubt in my mind. the reason why I would always answer yes is because if i knew when this day was coming, i would want to do all of the things i've only dreamed of doing. the things i say that i'm going to do, but always end up putting on the backburner. i would want to say the things that i've always kept in the far depths of my mind... i would want to shout these things from the rooftops.
but then i saw the movie bucket list and i started to think twice. if i knew the day of my death, i know for a fact that even though i would be living my last days to the fullest, i would be living them in agony. my mind would be somewhere else.. even if i were to be accomplishing my dreams. these accomplishments would bring me no satisfaction. why? because i know one day, the only thing left of me would be a memory, invisible footprints of where i have been, what i've said and done. i would be gone. and to me that sort of takes away the joy of accomplishment.
i have never said i love you. if i were to say it to someone because i knew i was leaving them, i wouldn't do it unless i really truly meant it. we can't do things out of spite. my best advice to you is to live life to fullest, but not because of the consequences, not because we all know we will be gone someday, but because we want to do things here and how. so that we may never regret. if not now, then when?
but then i saw the movie bucket list and i started to think twice. if i knew the day of my death, i know for a fact that even though i would be living my last days to the fullest, i would be living them in agony. my mind would be somewhere else.. even if i were to be accomplishing my dreams. these accomplishments would bring me no satisfaction. why? because i know one day, the only thing left of me would be a memory, invisible footprints of where i have been, what i've said and done. i would be gone. and to me that sort of takes away the joy of accomplishment.
i have never said i love you. if i were to say it to someone because i knew i was leaving them, i wouldn't do it unless i really truly meant it. we can't do things out of spite. my best advice to you is to live life to fullest, but not because of the consequences, not because we all know we will be gone someday, but because we want to do things here and how. so that we may never regret. if not now, then when?
recap.
i'm going to outlive you all muhahaha
A study in the Wall Street journal today said "Exercise, moderate drinking, and eating fruit and vegetables can prolong life an average of 14 years" so people, stop yelling at me for being a vegetarian and drinking too much!.. although I do need to work on not wasting my gym membership at NYSC since I only go like once every few weeks what people don't realize is that in new york, you have to walk EVERYWHERE.. that must count for something right... hahaha i'm going to live til im 114 bewareeee
Posted on Tuesday, January 8, 2008 at 01:50PM by katherine Post a Comment
Rules for saying goodbye.
I'm reading a fabulous book right now.. this is my favorite chapter:
One. Do not leave until he has mentioned two ex-girlfriends in casual conversation. If you are sure you want to leave and he has not mentioned two ex- girfriends in conversation, mention two ex-boyfriends and see what happens.
Two. Leave if he starts writing songs about other people. These will be songs about loss and their details will have nothing to do with you. Shame on you for dating a musician. At your age.
Three. Once you have decided to go, say nice things about him to his friends. Say things they will repeat to him later. Also, and this should be obvious: do not fuck his friends. There is that one who will try to take advantage; do not do anything that will incriminate you once you are not there to defend yourself.
Four. Buy things to leave in his house, things he won't have the energy to throw out, like jars of peanut butter you like. Do not leave things you might want later. Leave hair rubber bands and your toothbrush, but not your Sonicare toothbrush.
Five. Flirt with his mother. Flirt mercilessly until she adores you. Knit a scarf that matches her eyes. When she admires it, take it off your neck and give it to her. Throughout winter and next fall, the scarf itself will remind him how gracious you were.
Six. Your handwriting should be ubiquitous: grocery lists in his coat pockets, telephone messages used as bookmarks, notes on the fridge or bedside drawer, directions to friend's houses left on the passenger side door of his car.
Seven. Cry politely. Do not cry like a horse.
Eight. If you must say mean things, say them in the same voice you used when you made promises you really did intend to keep.
Nine. The last time he sees you should be the morning. He will come home from work and be surprised to find you gone. Be sure to smell good that morning. Touch his face softly even if you have been arguing. If you are very good you will be able to give him that look that assures him everything will be fine. This will increase the impact of your departure.
Ten. Write a note on a very nice piece of paper. Make it simple. Be too hurt to sign your name.
Eleven. Do not go back to retrieve things you have forgotton. Once you are gone, be gone for good.
Posted on Thursday, January 3, 2008 at 01:45PM by katherine Post a Comment
the beauty of change...
I googled the word "change" today and this is what came up...
"But its not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know that it will not change me."
I haven't come to a solid conclusion about change. Sometimes I hate it so much, it disrupts our lives, brings fear and instability. Sometimes all I want to do is feel comfortable in my space, doing the same thing every day, expecting the same predictable routine and knowing what will come next. But this city is the heart of change-- it is very unsettling. As soon as you start getting used to something, another disruption comes along-- new people, things to do and see, and it all happens so fast. So I have learned to embrace change. To adapt to it. Because lo and behold, it never fails to come.
I like this quote (although I disagree with it) because we don't do things to change the world. Each decision we make is not based on how we will make an impact on our world. It's not the world we are trying to change... it's that fear that the world will change us. And trust me it never fails to do so. The reason we do things is so we feel reassured that the world will not change us. We follow the same routines because we want to stay the same. But even without noticing, the world always seems to change us. Slowly but surely, we adapt to the world around us, and the scary part is that we don't notice this change. It is others that make us aware of it.
Posted on Thursday, December 27, 2007 at 10:44AM by katherine Post a Comment
what the stars have in store...
My horoscope of the day -- Think hard and long about changes that need to be made in your life, Aquarius. If something needs adjusting, do it now. Whether it's a person, situation, or just changing the way you think about someone, getting a different perspective will clear the way to proceed.
it's funny that i basically live off the wise words of my daily horoscope. when i walk to work at 8:30 in the morning, the first page i turn to in the daily news is the little horoscope section. and magically, it's always right. well, i got to thinking and there obviously has to be a reason why these predictions are so accurate. it's like a self fulfilling prophecy- i basically seek out events throughout day that concur with the prediction.. i point them out in my mind. for example, last night after spending 3 hours on the phone with my best friend, we both discovered what we needed to change about ourselves and the way we thought about one another in order to make the relationship better.. so yes, whether it's a person, place, thing, or PERSPECTIVE, something obviously changed. but is that really surprising? we spend our days in a whirlwind of change-- relationships evolve, people make decisions, its no shocker that i'm going to have a different perspective, to change the way i think about someone at the end of the day. it is so true when all is said and done-- even if my thoughts about this certain someone did change at 5am last night.
Update on Thursday, December 20, 2007 at 02:45PM by katherine
i don't think there has ever been a time where i have gone to get a manicure and not messed up at least one nail.. its almost like a sign saying no one is perfect!! i'm officially a 4 year old clutz, oh and of course i came back and someone spilled my cup of water all over my papers
Posted on Thursday, December 20, 2007 at 11:26AM by katherine Post a Comment
tadalicious
if you want to get a glimpse of what i'm really like, just take a look at my dog tad. that's right. at first glance, his fur is naturally nappy, knotty, a complete mess. that's me. a complete mess. if you look closer, you'll find pieces of food stuck in his fur. once again, me. the guy who sits next to me at work actually came up to me today to tell me i had a piece of bagel stuck in my hair! if you notice tad's personality, the dog is a non-stop energizer bunny that has to run around in circles in order to tire himself out. if you ever see a girl wearing a little black dress with tights, long beige boots and twenty bags in her arms running across the street when the light turns red-- and about to get hit by a cab, you've spotted me. welcome to my life.
a lot of people ask me why in G-d's name i would get a dog when I have so many other things going on. it's almost like i want my life to be unmanageable, or so they say. well, the truth is that I really do hate being alone. no, i'm not one of those people who talks to dogs. but i do like feeling another living thing next to me when i fall asleep at night. I take tad everywhere-- he's like my handy dandy tag along buddy- except he breathes knowing me you probably thought he would be dead by now.. but look how well i've done so far! and he's spoiled too! really, i'm glad i made the decision to get the little furball.. it's an amazing feeling to come home to his cute little face at 3am after a long night out at the clubs!!
Posted on Wednesday, December 19, 2007 at 03:37PM by katherine 1 Comment
A study in the Wall Street journal today said "Exercise, moderate drinking, and eating fruit and vegetables can prolong life an average of 14 years" so people, stop yelling at me for being a vegetarian and drinking too much!.. although I do need to work on not wasting my gym membership at NYSC since I only go like once every few weeks what people don't realize is that in new york, you have to walk EVERYWHERE.. that must count for something right... hahaha i'm going to live til im 114 bewareeee
Posted on Tuesday, January 8, 2008 at 01:50PM by katherine Post a Comment
Rules for saying goodbye.
I'm reading a fabulous book right now.. this is my favorite chapter:
One. Do not leave until he has mentioned two ex-girlfriends in casual conversation. If you are sure you want to leave and he has not mentioned two ex- girfriends in conversation, mention two ex-boyfriends and see what happens.
Two. Leave if he starts writing songs about other people. These will be songs about loss and their details will have nothing to do with you. Shame on you for dating a musician. At your age.
Three. Once you have decided to go, say nice things about him to his friends. Say things they will repeat to him later. Also, and this should be obvious: do not fuck his friends. There is that one who will try to take advantage; do not do anything that will incriminate you once you are not there to defend yourself.
Four. Buy things to leave in his house, things he won't have the energy to throw out, like jars of peanut butter you like. Do not leave things you might want later. Leave hair rubber bands and your toothbrush, but not your Sonicare toothbrush.
Five. Flirt with his mother. Flirt mercilessly until she adores you. Knit a scarf that matches her eyes. When she admires it, take it off your neck and give it to her. Throughout winter and next fall, the scarf itself will remind him how gracious you were.
Six. Your handwriting should be ubiquitous: grocery lists in his coat pockets, telephone messages used as bookmarks, notes on the fridge or bedside drawer, directions to friend's houses left on the passenger side door of his car.
Seven. Cry politely. Do not cry like a horse.
Eight. If you must say mean things, say them in the same voice you used when you made promises you really did intend to keep.
Nine. The last time he sees you should be the morning. He will come home from work and be surprised to find you gone. Be sure to smell good that morning. Touch his face softly even if you have been arguing. If you are very good you will be able to give him that look that assures him everything will be fine. This will increase the impact of your departure.
Ten. Write a note on a very nice piece of paper. Make it simple. Be too hurt to sign your name.
Eleven. Do not go back to retrieve things you have forgotton. Once you are gone, be gone for good.
Posted on Thursday, January 3, 2008 at 01:45PM by katherine Post a Comment
the beauty of change...
I googled the word "change" today and this is what came up...
"But its not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know that it will not change me."
I haven't come to a solid conclusion about change. Sometimes I hate it so much, it disrupts our lives, brings fear and instability. Sometimes all I want to do is feel comfortable in my space, doing the same thing every day, expecting the same predictable routine and knowing what will come next. But this city is the heart of change-- it is very unsettling. As soon as you start getting used to something, another disruption comes along-- new people, things to do and see, and it all happens so fast. So I have learned to embrace change. To adapt to it. Because lo and behold, it never fails to come.
I like this quote (although I disagree with it) because we don't do things to change the world. Each decision we make is not based on how we will make an impact on our world. It's not the world we are trying to change... it's that fear that the world will change us. And trust me it never fails to do so. The reason we do things is so we feel reassured that the world will not change us. We follow the same routines because we want to stay the same. But even without noticing, the world always seems to change us. Slowly but surely, we adapt to the world around us, and the scary part is that we don't notice this change. It is others that make us aware of it.
Posted on Thursday, December 27, 2007 at 10:44AM by katherine Post a Comment
what the stars have in store...
My horoscope of the day -- Think hard and long about changes that need to be made in your life, Aquarius. If something needs adjusting, do it now. Whether it's a person, situation, or just changing the way you think about someone, getting a different perspective will clear the way to proceed.
it's funny that i basically live off the wise words of my daily horoscope. when i walk to work at 8:30 in the morning, the first page i turn to in the daily news is the little horoscope section. and magically, it's always right. well, i got to thinking and there obviously has to be a reason why these predictions are so accurate. it's like a self fulfilling prophecy- i basically seek out events throughout day that concur with the prediction.. i point them out in my mind. for example, last night after spending 3 hours on the phone with my best friend, we both discovered what we needed to change about ourselves and the way we thought about one another in order to make the relationship better.. so yes, whether it's a person, place, thing, or PERSPECTIVE, something obviously changed. but is that really surprising? we spend our days in a whirlwind of change-- relationships evolve, people make decisions, its no shocker that i'm going to have a different perspective, to change the way i think about someone at the end of the day. it is so true when all is said and done-- even if my thoughts about this certain someone did change at 5am last night.
Update on Thursday, December 20, 2007 at 02:45PM by katherine
i don't think there has ever been a time where i have gone to get a manicure and not messed up at least one nail.. its almost like a sign saying no one is perfect!! i'm officially a 4 year old clutz, oh and of course i came back and someone spilled my cup of water all over my papers
Posted on Thursday, December 20, 2007 at 11:26AM by katherine Post a Comment
tadalicious
if you want to get a glimpse of what i'm really like, just take a look at my dog tad. that's right. at first glance, his fur is naturally nappy, knotty, a complete mess. that's me. a complete mess. if you look closer, you'll find pieces of food stuck in his fur. once again, me. the guy who sits next to me at work actually came up to me today to tell me i had a piece of bagel stuck in my hair! if you notice tad's personality, the dog is a non-stop energizer bunny that has to run around in circles in order to tire himself out. if you ever see a girl wearing a little black dress with tights, long beige boots and twenty bags in her arms running across the street when the light turns red-- and about to get hit by a cab, you've spotted me. welcome to my life.
a lot of people ask me why in G-d's name i would get a dog when I have so many other things going on. it's almost like i want my life to be unmanageable, or so they say. well, the truth is that I really do hate being alone. no, i'm not one of those people who talks to dogs. but i do like feeling another living thing next to me when i fall asleep at night. I take tad everywhere-- he's like my handy dandy tag along buddy- except he breathes knowing me you probably thought he would be dead by now.. but look how well i've done so far! and he's spoiled too! really, i'm glad i made the decision to get the little furball.. it's an amazing feeling to come home to his cute little face at 3am after a long night out at the clubs!!
Posted on Wednesday, December 19, 2007 at 03:37PM by katherine 1 Comment
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